Here are the 6 deadliest conversation mistakes YOU might be making with women, and how to fix…
These are the top six ways that men kill their conversations with women before even having a chance to create attraction in them.
The fact is…
If you’re wanting to be able to create attraction in women, you have to be able to talk.
Even if you were to know every “secret attraction building technique” in the entire world, if you’re unable to carry on a conversation, YOU’LL GET NOWHERE.
Right now we’ll focus in on the specific ways you’re destroying your conversations, without even realizing it.
Mistake #1: Breaking the 90/10 Rule When Starting the Conversation
Ever noticed how most conversations don’t really get going until about five to ten minutes in?
This happens because when you begin talking to new people, especially when you don’t know them yet, they’re going to be just as distant inside their head as you were before you became psyched up to start the conversation.
Conversations require time to create “conversation momentum”.
The issue for most guys is that they never give their conversations the opportunity to create that “momentum”.
Most men expect to hit the “conversation flow” way too quickly. And because of this the reverse effect happens… then their conversations end up “stalling out”.
Well you’ve got to know how to carry a conversation. You want to be prepared, within the first 5 minutes or so, to carry the conversation by putting in 90, sometimes even 100, percent of everything into it until the other person gets warmed up a bit.
So how can you make that happen?
It’s a simple answer, just keep talking.
When you take control of the conversation from the very beginning, you give her time to “warm up” and shift her brain into “receive mode” instead of “give mode”.
In future articles I’m going to reveal exactly what tools you require in order to do this. For now though, just understand that you HAVE to be prepared to talk 90 percent of the time for the first five to ten minutes of the conversation.
Mistake #2: Failing to Recognize the Signals Women Give Them
You’ve got to recognize the signals women are giving you, so you understand whether you’ve got the proper kind of emotional intensity – the appropriate energy – and whether or not the things you’re talking about are even fitting for this point in your conversation.
So how can you make that happen?
You’ve got to use your senses. Your best friends are your eyes and your ears. You have to observe the way people react, and learn how to read them.
It’s easy to sense when you’re boring her, or when she’s excited, and how she reacts to you. You’ve just got to pay attention.
The rule of thumb is that when you’re first starting a conversation with a person, or a group of people, you’ll want to have a bit more energy than the person or group had before you joined in.
Once you learn to recognize where her energy level is at, her excitement, her enthusiasm, the way her neurology is wired and lit up, you can present your energy level in a way that’s just slightly above hers. By doing this you’ll be a success wherever you go because your energy level won’t be too little, nor too much.
Mistake #3: Failing to Assume Rapport Right From the Start
For the longest time it was difficult for me to figure out why it would always take me so long to develop rapport with women, while my friends always seemed to just jump right in…
Then one day I realized…
I was always waiting for rapport to happen naturally… my friends just assumed it.
Whenever you’re talking to a woman, even if it’s the first time you’ve spoken, speak to her the same laid back way you’d speak to an old buddy of yours.
Most guys screw up because they do the exact opposite. They speak to women in a “formal, stiff” way, as if she was a stranger. And this just creates the reality that you ARE a stranger. Then she puts her guard up because you’ve created this uncomfortable “awkwardness” that kills the conversation.
When you jump right into rapport you’re creating a more enjoyable, natural feeling for the conversation, and this makes her feel as if she’s “known you forever”.
Mistake #4: Entering “Interview Mode”
I’ve experienced it, I’m sure you’ve experienced it… Talking to a woman, and feeling like you’re at a job interview.
This is the dreadful “interview mode”.
This occurs when you’re unsure of what to talk about so you keep the conversation going by asking questions like:
- What do you like to do for fun?
- What do you do for work?
- Where were you born?
- What kind of music do you listen to?
The questions themselves aren’t what kills you. It’s the rapid firing of question after question, and her replying with a stream of fact-based answers that destroys any “chemistry”.
Conversations are supposed to have a back and forth, fun vibe… you never want to feel like you’re at a job interview.
Mistake #5: Having her “Lead” the Conversation
Most guys are so uncertain of themselves when talking to women that they look for the women to give them “permission” or “approval” before taking the lead in the conversation.
And that is DEAD wrong.
As soon as she realizes that you’re letting her lead the conversation, her attraction quickly fades.
Most guys tend to let women lead their conversations because they’re worried about choosing the wrong topic or “pissing her off”.
But here’s the thing…
Women will follow your lead for whatever tone you’ve set for the conversation. If you’ve set a flirty, fun vibe, she’s gonna follow.
And even if she has no interest in the topic you’ve chosen to talk about, she will still respect you way more for taking the initiative.
The Biggest Mistake
So what’s the biggest of the conversation mistakes that most men make with women?
Not getting the help they need…
Fifteen years ago it was almost impossible to obtain this kind of information on improving your conversation skills. Basically, guys were forced to either figure everything out on their own, or struggle forever.
But you… you have no excuse, as help is readily available. Help that can have a huge overnight impact on your “game”.
Even though it’s been almost 5 years now since I struggled with this, I can still remember the pain you feel. I had felt it for more than 2/3 of my life. And I don’t want you to have to deal with this.
I now know that whenever I want, I can go out anywhere and create attraction in the women I’m talking to.